To want the impossible

Description:

Emeline Prentice

    Green to Red
  • Healer
  • Played By: Jenn

    Healer
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    5 Posts    0 marks
To want the impossible
« on: July 27, 2018, 11:01:27 AM »
The coached rocked pleasantly as it moved steadily forward. She'd almost taken the winds. Almost came as quickly as possible. Almost brave enough. Almost was everything about Emeline. She'd been almost happy. Almost safe. Almost alive. None of it had lasted of course. The healer was cursed she had no doubt. Sometime before her birth or shortly after it some one had to have curse her and her mother to remain unhappy for the rest of their lives. It had been a good curse. One Emeline hadn't been able to break, even though it had felt like it for some time.

She needed to time to think. Time to formulate a plan. Time to come to grips with the fact that she was on her way to him. To Rhett. She should have come sooner. Should have sent word to him years ago. But she couldn't bring herself to do it and now everything was unknown. She didn't know what he would do when she showed up to the home they shared once.

Would he love her still?

The coach hit a bump and Emeline wiped her palms against the skirt of her dress. The closer they got, the wetter they'd become. A nervous reaction, she knew, and what would he say when she sweated all over him because of her fear? She would have to admit some day that she was afraid of so much. For now, a brave face. One she'd show the world. Head held high, Emeline. Head held high.

A lurch and the coach came to a stop. She could feel her body break out in that fear sweat. Upper lip, forehead. Teeth set against a bottom lip as she wiped the moisture from her face. Coach creaked as the driver stepped down. Opened the door and reached inside. Emeline breathed deeply and blew out the breath and slipped her hand in his. "Thank you," she told him quietly as she stepped into the sun.

Payment handed over, a satchel sat next to her and Emeline turned to look at her home. Lips curved into a gentle smile. She'd missed this place. This home she'd started to make with Rhett. Her body stiffened as the door opened and she waited. Waited for everything to come crashing in.




@Jones

Rhett Prentice

    Tiger Eye to Purple Dusk
  • Warlord
  • Played By: Jones

    Grape Growing Grump
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    9 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #1 on: July 27, 2018, 09:16:13 PM »

In the first year, Rhett had looked to the windows every time a coach rattled by. Any sound of hoof clops or twitch of the Winds drew his attention. He was there. Looking. Waiting. Let down time and time again. As months turned to years he only rushed to check if it was an odd hour. Never quite capable of believing she was gone for good. Pouring his energy into raising his son. Raising his crops. Raising mouthy queens into something worth keeping around.

And only failing at one of those things.

Yes. When the carriage turned down his drive he didn’t think of Emmy. In fact he hoped it was that sulky Braden fellow back to fetch Bronwyn. That baby would come any day now, he was sure. Or else she would explode. Could barely pass down the hallway if she was in it. He’d have felt bad for any other woman.

Usually the maid would have opened the door. The duty of greeting guests one of her many responsibilities. He didn’t have a large staff, but he employed who he could afford to keep. Today, though, he was on his way out. Into the fields to tend the vineyard. Acres of trellis to inspect. Yearling plants to check and prune. Work that might never end.

He almost walked right into her in his hurry. Despite his boy’s name, Patience would not be happy if his father missed another dinner. And Rhett didn’t like all the time the pup had been wasting nosing up to Bronwyn. If only he could get a proper queen for the province. Someone he could be proud to watch his son serve.

”Oh.” Queen problems forgotten. Everything emptying from his head. ”Emeline. I… don’t know what to say.” He shifted from one foot to the other. Brows furrowing towards the center of his face. ”Hello, I suppose. Would you like to come in?”

Blank. Mind, chest, emotion. Rhett turned back towards the door on instinct. Protocol and etiquette driven into his head until they were simply the things you did. Even when you couldn’t see or think or breath.

Emeline Prentice

    Green to Red
  • Healer
  • Played By: Jenn

    Healer
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    5 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #2 on: July 29, 2018, 12:33:11 PM »
Her lips had parted on a quiet gasp that was equally frightened and pleased with the appearance of Rhett. He looked good even as he rushed towards her, very nearly slamming into her. Emeline cringed at the rush of his body before she got herself under control. Her eyes were wet when he spoke, the tears unshed before blinked away. Be strong. She could be strong. She would be strong.

All of her love for him rushed up from the depths she had shoved it to. Where Rhett was emptied of everything, Emeline was full to bursting. She should have come home much earlier. A nervous flutter of her hands against her side as he spoke, inviting her into the home they had shared once upon a time. Could they share it again? "Yes," she said softly as he turned back towards the door.

Blank and distant. Not at all the homecoming Emeline had imagined but truly how could she have expected anything else. Some where in that hidden little girl's heart Emeline had wanted him to sweep her up in his arms and kiss her wildly. But he hadn't and Emeline did what she always did. She accepted it.

She followed him into the manor house, seeing the changes that had been wrought in the six years she'd been gone. It still felt like home even changed as it was. Her sigh of contentment was quiet as she sent probes out to test the home as was her habit. Every place she went, Emeline settled gentle probes of red, testing the safety of the area, testing the people who were there.

Familiar auras. Ones she knew from before. And one. One that was feminine and pregnant. Emeline's mouth thinned in a disappointed line, a line that was smoothed out before she was face to face with him again. She couldn't fault him for finding someone else and a queen at that. She should have known. Should have expected the presence of the other woman.

"It looks lovely inside, Rhett," she said with awkward tones and words. She didn't know what she could say. "You've done wonders." Her brows rolled down over blue eyes. "I.. I don't know what to say," she admitted as much as he had outside, "But I would like to try. Can we sit in the study?"






Rhett Prentice

    Tiger Eye to Purple Dusk
  • Warlord
  • Played By: Jones

    Grape Growing Grump
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    9 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #3 on: July 30, 2018, 01:07:05 PM »

At the door Rhett held the way open. Eyebrows low but the rest of his expression neutral. Blank. The way he wanted to feel. And usually did, without even trying. This time he did have to try. Emotions roiling under the surface of his conscious thought. He ignored them. Not sure, anyway, which he should be feeling to begin with.

It would depend, he supposed. On why Emmy was back now. After so long gone. And what had pulled her from him in the first place. Was it the same as the others? How could it be? They left because he couldn’t love them. That had never been the problem with Emeline. A sweep of bitterness made him close his eyes and wet his lips. Collecting that perfect calm around himself again. What was done was done. He wouldn’t dwell on what couldn’t be changed.

Not about himself, or his ex-wives or this one that was returned after six years with not a single word. Sadness took its turn rearing up before he mastered that too. He hadn’t even known if she was alive or dead.

”Thank you.” Was it different? He supposed it must have been. They had replaced all the wallpaper in the entryway when the centuries old one had started to really peel away. The woods floors had been carefully pulled up and restored. A new banister on the stairs. Projects he could oversee in winter when everyone was hungry and needed work but the vineyard hibernated. ”Just watched, really, to make sure it all came out alright.”

He was uncomfortable. Unsure of what she expected him to do or say. He couldn’t repeat that though, not after saying it once already. So he stood with his hands behind his back. A thread of Purple Dusk following her probes. Ushering them away from his son, who would not understand what was going on. Might not remember Emeline at all, he had been barely six when she left. He watched her sweep through Lady Deryns room. Then turn to touch the rest of the house and staff. From the kitchen his housekeeper reached out. Recognizing the probe that flitted through the space, wondering if she should be brewing tea. He told her yes. Then turned his eyes back up to Emeline. ”Very well. You remember the way.”

Arm stroking towards the hall he let her go first. ”Ah. Would you like me to carry that?” He held his hand out for the satchel she carried. Sorry he had not offered already. His study was not the private place it had once been. Door opening with Craft to let her in he apologized softly while shoving aside a chest of toys Patience left inside. Filled with wooden swords and small ceramic warriors they had painted together. So that the boy could act out wars of old while his father minded paperwork at his desk. There was a pram in the corner too. He kept meaning to give it to Bronwyn but every time she opened her mouth he was reminded how spoiled a brat she was.

”Please, sit.” He took a seat too. Choosing one of the arm chairs near his squat bookcase. That way they were not separated by the formality of his desk. She could sit near him, almost beside him, but not in the awkward way a sofa might dip them together.

Emeline Prentice

    Green to Red
  • Healer
  • Played By: Jenn

    Healer
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    5 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #4 on: July 31, 2018, 10:22:09 PM »

Awkward small talk to be followed by what? More awkward tones and words? Following into the house that was beginning to look so beautiful. "Just watched or not, its your doing all the same," she said with a small smile. A friendly touch to the red she sent along. She'd always liked the company of his housekeeper. A disappointed frown when his purple dusk slid her probes away from the boy, but she understood. "I do," she answered quietly and moved towards the study.

"Please," she said as she handed the small satchel over to him, fingers lightly touching his as the bag changed hands. She wished she could snatch his hand up, press it to her heart and profess all the sorrow she felt for leaving him. All the love that was still there but she knew it was too soon. Maybe it wouldn't even matter how much love she had for him. She would need to tell him the truth. Today. Tonight. Not that the truth was horrible, just tragic.

Emeline's lips curled into a smile at the smattering of toys he moved out of the way. Warriors and swords. Things well suited for little boys and their fathers. Her heart seized and her chest grew tight at the sight of the pram in the corner. She hadn't touched the woman long enough to notice the babe. She murmured quietly that every thing was fine as she moved her eyes from the pram to look anywhere but where it was.

She sat where he indicated, breathing deeply as she tried to calm her nerves, hands wringing in her lap. She wasn't brave rather the opposite. Emeline didn't know how to be fierce or courageous in the face of something like this. Fingers twisting into knots, knuckles white as she tried to put into words what she needed to say. "There is much I need to tell you," she started eyes never leaving the knot of fingers in her lap, "I'm sorry I left with no word to you."

He would hate her and prove her mother wrong. Rhett would never be able to forgive her for leaving him with no word, no explanation about why she had to leave "I should have come before now." Was she wanting the impossible? Was wanting his forgiveness some childish Winsol hope? Did the pram and the stranger's aura above prove just how foolish she was?


Rhett Prentice

    Tiger Eye to Purple Dusk
  • Warlord
  • Played By: Jones

    Grape Growing Grump
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    9 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #5 on: August 01, 2018, 10:47:23 AM »

Sitting tall in his chair Rhett looked Emeline over more carefully. She looked whole and well. As nervous as he felt, and perhaps as if she had been crying. A little rosy around the corners of her eyes. His own feelings were carefully managed. Not hidden, he wouldn’t have even if he had the skill. But he didn’t offer her his barriers either.

They had called him a fool a dozen times over. Men and women of the village- his ex wives with a heavy dose of mirth instead of pity. A fool for insisting she would be back eventually. For not divorcing her and moving on even when he’d given up hope that she would. Rhett just hadn’t known what to do with the emotions she’d left behind. Such a rare occurrence in his life that they were hard to put away.

”I should hope so, after all this time.” He told her gently. Trying his best not to sound as detached from reality as he felt in that moment. Not like a person at all. More a sentient nothingness hovering in an otherwise hollow shell. He wondered vaguely if that was what the mythical demon-dead felt like. Licking his lips he bowed his head against her apology. Not sure what he was supposed to say.

It wasn’t alright. She had abandoned him and Patience with no warning. And worst of all, she hadn’t told them they were being abandoned. They had, had to learn it on their own as the time and ache in their hearts stretched out. Dissapaiting eventually, but now he felt the sting again. He had thought a great deal about why, and suspected (as he always assumed) that he knew the right answer.  ”I had hoped there was enough trust between us for you to feel free to say anything to me. I suppose I should apologize too since that clearly wasn’t the case.”

What was he going to do? What was this even about. Rhett sat back in his chair. Sighing lightly at his long lost wife. ”Why didn’t you, love? What could I have done differently? Why have you come back now?” Had she run off to be with someone else? Found him lacking? Gotten into trouble and hoped to find safety here again? Part of him didn’t care why. But the father in him needed explanations, needed to know what expectations he should have this time. To protect Patience, of course, his own heart could take the sacrifice a thousand times over if it meant a few moments of real gladness once in a while.

Emeline Prentice

    Green to Red
  • Healer
  • Played By: Jenn

    Healer
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    5 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #6 on: August 01, 2018, 08:17:53 PM »
How she wanted him to rail at her. Shout and snarl, something but this quiet acceptance. She could deal with the anger. She could manage temper tantrums and she could almost understand rage but this. This was something Emeline had no experience with. She shifted, elbow thumping against something hard behind her. Fingers unknotted to grip the small warrior that had been forgotten in the chair. The ceramic was smooth along her fingers and a small smile curved when she realized who had painted the figure.

"There was trust," she told him quietly, "But there was also fear." She had trusted him with her body and with her heart but she had held her secrets so close to her chest that she had nearly forgotten they were there. Until they had called her home again. "There is nothing for you to apologize for. There never was and never will be," she told him firmly, voice broking no argument. He had done everything in his power to keep her safe but her fear had gotten the best of her.

Love. That he could still call her love curled her toes in the sturdy shoes she wore. It was better than all of the words and cries that she'd imagined in the coach ride here. So many things had been imagined, light tears had come and gone with the thoughts. "You did everything right," she turned the small warrior over and over in her hands. Would that she was a warrior. Strong and fearless. "I'm the one who did the wrong. Not you. Not Patience. You were perfect." They were. Perfect and loving, this man and his little boy. Then she had left without a word. Had she broken their hearts as neatly as she'd broken her own?

"She was still broken not long ago," she said shaking her head, "And by the time she was better it had been so long. She finally convinced me to come to you." She realized as she said the words that he would have no idea what she was talking about. Eyes lightly rimmed with pink, fresh tears gathered and blinked away. "He broke my mother while I was here loving you. My stepfather. Broke her back to yellow and she needed me." Blue eyes drifted upwards to meet his, "How could I tell you I had abandoned her to that. Run away from that possibility to protect myself from him?"

There was guilt in her voice and in her eyes. Enough guilt to eat her down to the bone if she let it.


Rhett Prentice

    Tiger Eye to Purple Dusk
  • Warlord
  • Played By: Jones

    Grape Growing Grump
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    9 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #7 on: August 12, 2018, 11:38:48 AM »

From his seat Rhett followed her tracing fingers over the toy in her hand. Listening attentively to her words but feeling the same nothingness inside. Comforting instead of disturbing; compacting his emotions down. To feel little if anything was his usual emotional state. Going through life with a definitive detachment to most things. That was what had made Emeline so precious. What he hd thought was a connection.

”Clearly not enough trust if there was also fear.” Rhett interjected. It was unpleasant, to think he had failed her. Opening his home to her protection and his heart to her affection had not dispelled her worries. Had not allowed her to be open in return. He didn’t believe, either, that there was no need for his apologies. Something had not been right between them. That was usual and expected too.

How the village had snickered behind their hands once the first year had passed. Wondering if Rhett would ever keep a wife. Their amusement at his poor luck in matrimony had only bruised his ego. The words of other wives he’d lost filling the unanswered questions left behind by Emeline. Now she was back. Claiming it was not his fault. Not his doing. ”I am aware my son was not to blame.” He snapped, rising from his chair to pace a few feet.

Hands on his hips while he thought. Perfect. No. Much as he’d like to think he was usually right, Rhett knew better than that. Behind him Emeline spoke explanations. They stung more than they helped. Convinced? An unfamiliar depth of pain shot through his core. ”You had to be convinced to come back?” That was not what he wanted. He would rather her happy someplace than feeling stuck here with him.

He supposed it was more important to worry about who she spoke of. The gentlemanly thing. Before he could backtrack to ask she answered his unspoken question. Leaving Rhett to pour himself back in his chair. Absently elegant without intention. Elbows on his thighs and hands templed in front of his mouth. ”Abandoned her to that? Emeline she chose that man for a husband. She stayed with him even after he forced you to flee for protection.”

How could she blame herself for her mother’s troubles? ”I’m sorry, but if he was as abusive as you’re implying then the result was inevitable. You had ever right to seek safety elsewhere.” With Rhett. ”And you chose me for you husband. You should have felt welcome and safe enough to tell me anything.”

Emeline Prentice

    Green to Red
  • Healer
  • Played By: Jenn

    Healer
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    5 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2018, 03:14:30 PM »

She hated how her words sounded. Hated how empty and blank he was. Emeline grimaced as her fingers continued to trace the contours of the toy in her hand. Explaining herself was difficult, it shouldn't have been and she shouldn't have to explain herself. She should have stayed exactly where she had been, she knew that now, but how could she deny her mother? "I was so frightened that I would be put out that I just couldn't shake it," she shook her head at her own words, "I could not chance going back to the man who would break me."

She cringed slightly as he rose from his chair. Would the anger come now? She could hear the snap in his tone when he spoke of his son. "Neither were you," she told him again, firmly and definitively, "The fault and blame is mine only. Never yours." She would always take this blame, shoulder the guilt and the distrust she just knew he had for her and she would continue on. She would be devastated when he turned her out, confirming her fears and reasons for taking so long to come, but she would cope. She would manage and she would understand.

"Not in the way you would think," she told him softly, "I never stopped loving, never stopped yearning but how could you feel the same? I left you without a word. She convinced me that my fears that you'd bar the door to me foolish and stupid." Even now, as she said the words to him, she realized exactly how foolish and quite stupid she had been. She hadn't given Rhett the chance to show her how he felt. Never given him the chance to show she could trust him implicitly. "Were they foolish and stupid?"

It was her turn to jump from her chair to pace the room. Fingers so tight around the toy, the edges bit into her palm. Pain ignored and her steps were short. "I was always the stronger," she began, "I should have been able to do something. But I couldn't even protect myself." Emeline had always blamed herself for fleeing, always known that she should have been stronger and the shame of it, she realized, had colored much of her life.

She stopped short just in front of him. "I did chose you," Emeline said quietly as she looked at him with glimmering eyes, "Again and every time, Rhett, I would choose you." She would. There was no lie to her voice, no deception coloring anything. Emeline would chose Rhett every time. She would chose Patience. She would chose here, this place and him. She sighed and pulled a hand through the wealth of hair around her shoulders, "I am learning that things should be said instead of hidden. It is a slow process and not a little painful but I am learning."

She continued to look at him, toy still clutched in her hand, a tiny shield against the pain of her own idiocy. "I would understand if you'd like me to leave. I don't want to upset your new wife." How painful it was to say those words. She looked down at her hand and willed her fingers to loosen. They wouldn't. They didn't. "I can take a room in town somewhere."

Rhett Prentice

    Tiger Eye to Purple Dusk
  • Warlord
  • Played By: Jones

    Grape Growing Grump
    Dena Nehele Terreille
    9 Posts    0 marks
Re: To want the impossible
« Reply #9 on: October 02, 2018, 12:19:10 AM »

Sweeping his hair back Rhett sighed. Smothering the doubts in his chest. She had just admitted she was afraid he would put her out. For abandoning her mother to the choice she had wrought on herself no less! How could she expect him to believe he’d done no wrong? ”It can’t be yours alone, that isn’t how a marriage works.”

And Rhett should know, he had broken several of them. Bridging the space between them he settled a hand over her fiddling fingers. The toy in her hand skimming his palm. He wasn’t sure how much was true. Too many years had built doubts in his mind. But he wanted to understand, to believe she was back because she’d never stopped loving him. ”I don’t care. I don’t care if you loved me while you were gone.”

Leaning forward he shook his head at her, ”You’re here now so then doesn’t matter anymore. If you left for your mother, or just because you needed space. Fine.” She was back. That was the part that really mattered. ”I can’t say they were foolish fears. There’ll be those that think I’m the fool for letting you in. I didn’t though, bare the doors. Or stop loving you.”

He had only just figured out that he could love her at all. Then she’d vanished. Emmeline was worked up by his insights. Leaving her chair to tread over the thinning carpet. He watched the soles of her shoes as she turned on her heels. ”She’s the mother. You were the child. It shouldn’t have been that way. Protecting you both was her job.” He had always know Emmeline came from some sort of dark background.

That had been evident when he had first taken her in. Seeking shelter from an unspoken danger. He had not pried then, but nothing she described now surprised him. There were many such stories in Dena Nehele, it was a territory marked and marred by poverty and the harshness of such living.

Fists clasped together he rested his chin on the flat backs of his fingers and stared up at her. As beautiful now as she had always been. Unspilled tears tugging on heartstrings Rhett had never been sure actually existed. ”Emmeline.” He let her go on. Better to get it off her chest all at once without his interrupting.

”Emmeline,” He tried again, face passive though he could feel a budding amusement in the rise of his eyebrows. ”I am not married. Or remarried, I should say, as I am very much still married to you.” Lifting his chin from his hands he sighed and pointed towards the second story of the house. ”That is Lady Bronwyn Derys. The Ardelia’s asked me to house her for the time being.”

If his tone didn’t adequately express his annoyance at the arrangement then the curling of his nose certainly did. ”Though I can see why you might come to such a conclusion. I apologize.” It seemed strange to offer her the bedroom they had shared, even if he never slept in it anymore. It might imply he had intentions other than getting to know her all over again. So he stood because she was standing and flourished his hand in the direction of the staircase. ”There’s no reason for you to take a room elsewhere when there are plenty here. I can have the maid air one out. Do you have a preference?”
 

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