Neha Rajani looked at him through the fringe of her lashes. Not leaning away though he leaned in. Brows pursed over his sharp nose as he looked at her. She thought he might chastise her, or even the reverse and praise her for her meekness. What he said made her lips bow instead. Never what she expected. He had been bold since they met. Bluntly forward until she despaired he could ever be made polite.
”I had not thought of it that way.” Had looked upon it as a lack of manners, or too much ego. Not a balance to herself. She would speak of this next time she went to the temple. And pray on it. Perhaps he was a Darkness sent balance. Neha Rajani was not sure. He did not seem like a blessing. Especially not a holy one. Not when he asked her about children. Or to sit in his lap.
”It isn’t seemly.” Especially here where anyone might walk in on them. Or simply by the doorway and peek at them through it. What would the servants think to see them so? Or worse, unexpected guests. Not that she had had a single one, except for her husband. Though she protested, Neha Rajani did as asked. Slipping from her seat to Savitr’s knee with mouse like furtiveness.
”Should I be?” She questioned back, wanting reassurances rather than to admit she was afraid. With good cause as his knee rose and tumbled her back into him. Gasping, she caught herself against his chest, elbow slipping down his ribs and into the back of his chair. Heart racing, she tucked her face into the hollow of his shoulder and curled her fingers beneath it, some of his tunic caught in her hand.
While trying to calm her heart, Savitr rained questions upon her head, speeding her mind until all of Neha Rajani was aflutter. She turned her face into him as if to hide her blushing or the way she squeezed her eyes tight. Clinging to what frightened her, because she thought he might protect her too.
”I do not know, Savitr. I have thought of none of these things.” But he has. Desiring closeness with her. Neha Rajani feared it. Intimacy and sex one in her mind, being the only way she had ever known. Cheek to his shoulder she tried and failed to meet his eye. Looked from them to his nose to his mouth and then his lap. Which was also her lap. Hands coming together in their lap to worry her prayer beads.
”You have a great many concerns. And too many questions.” She told his chest. He inflicted little more on her than those. Hand at her back, the other holding his head up as he lounged, content, even with her crushing him. ”You would leave the court for my pregnancy? Is that permitted?” A woman was most vulnerable then. More than even a moontime which passed swiftly. Shrugging her shoulders, Neha Rajani had to admit, ”I would like you close at hand, either way.”
Surely none would tempt his Sapphire while she was gravid with his child. ”Let us leave the where for when it is at hand.” Hopefully she would know better then what she would prefer. Though she did not think she would like to leave the house. Crushing her hands together, Neha Rajani’s lip pursed. A thoughtful pout that set a single crease between her dark eyebrows.
”I do not know, Savitr. I had hoped for mutual respect in all those places. I do not thing I thought beyond that.” More worried about protecting her vows while trying not to upset her husband. ”Did you wish to share a bed? Even without...” She spread her hands wide, unable to say the words. Once she could have spoken them. She had been bolder before folly had taught her better.
Perhaps she was meant to also teach Savitr so that he would not know the stain of the soul she had.